


Breathe

by unchartedhoshi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui, Established Lee Jihoon | Woozi/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Gyuhao, Hanahaki Disease, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'll add more tags as they come, Jeon Wonwoo & Kim Mingyu Friendship, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Minor Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Minor Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Platonic Xu Ming Hao | The8/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, THIS WILL CONTINUE, Tags Are Hard, Unrequited Love, other characters will come along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-15 18:36:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14795802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unchartedhoshi/pseuds/unchartedhoshi
Summary: You made flowers grow in my lungs and, although they are beautiful, I cannot breathe.Gardenias are weaving themselves around Mingyu's lungs, suffocating him. He keeps throwing up flowers because the universe decided his soulmate was Minghao, the one person who will never, in a million years, love him back.





	1. One

The first time the flowers made themselves evident it was only a few petals. The flowers were so beautiful and so pure, _gardenias_ Mingyu would later learn. Gardenias symbolize purity and sweetness and convey joy. That is what Mingyu equated to Minghao. He was genuine, unfiltered joy but he was also destroying him.

But before long Mingyu often found himself clutching the sink throwing up complete flowers. The whiteness of the flowers had begun to stain a bright red; Mingyu knew what that meant. He was dying. 

*** 

When Mingyu first started throwing up flowers, he didn’t need to look up what this meant. He had _Hanahaki Disease_ ; which meant he was suffering from unrequited love and it would kill him, and he knew the person his soul yearned for would never return his feelings. 

So, he was determined to enjoy the rest of his life the best he could. He had read that the disease would eventually kill its host; it would eventually weave its vines around his heart or lungs. The person to blame, not that Mingyu wanted to blame was his once best friend, Xu Minghao. 

He and Mingyu had been friends for so long, and then they decided to turn it into something more. A mutually beneficial relationship of sorts.  But Minghao always made it clear to him, he wasn’t staying around for long if things developed into real feelings. And Mingyu remembers the day Minghao ended it and left so clearly.

Minghao was grabbing his shirt, dressing faster than Mingyu could stop him. He grabbed at Minghao’s hand, wanting so desperately to halt his actions. But Minghao jerked his hand away, “Mingyu I am sorry, but I cannot do this anymore. Whatever we have does fit in with my life. I don’t love you, I’m sorry. Goodbye.”

It was not easy to avoid Minghao seeing that their group of friends overlapped. Mingyu’s best friend, Wonwoo was dating Jun, Minghao’s best friend. Their mutual friend, Soonyoung was dating Mingyu’s former college roommate, Jihoon. Their circle was interwoven, and that is how it had always been.

Mingyu and Minghao had never officially dated, but they had fooled around and fooled around with the idea that one day that’d happen, well that’s what Mingyu thought. The morning after their first night spent wrapped between each other’s limbs, Mingyu noticed an ache that now, was all too familiar. He chest tightened as he watched Minghao dress and leave without a word. Before he registered what was happening, he was throwing up vivid white petals for the first time. 

Minghao was his soulmate, and he’d never love him back. It was supposed to end there, but they kept it going for months. Each night Mingyu would find himself breathlessly hovering over Minghao, his fingers buried deep inside the man, _searching._  Searching for Minghao’s release and searching for Minghao.

And when Mingyu forced sounds and whimpers from the throat of the Chinese man, his chest burned with _hope._ Mingyu thought, with time, he could change Minghao’s mind. But the only that changed was the number of petals he threw up every morning. 

Their group of friends had been aware of their arrangement, and no one seemed to mind when they found Minghao sitting on the lap of the taller, claiming his spot, one night at the bowling rink.

“You know Mingyu, I think we should get out of here, and we should try that _thing_ we talked about.”

Later that night, Minghao found himself tied to Mingyu’s bed, a blindfold tied over his eyes and Mingyu making him cum untouched. 

Mingyu never intended to fall in love with Minghao. In fact, they had agreed that if the other developed feelings, they would stop. But Mingyu did not want to stop, he wanted to continue, knowing he would suffer after Minghao left.

And like clockwork, after Minghao would sneak out in the early hours of the morning, Mingyu would awaken, gasping for air. 

The one thing about the flowers blooming within his body, they always gave Mingyu a reminder of the presence at the most inconvenient times often, when no one else was around to make sure he wouldn’t die. But Mingyu preferred it that way because then no one knew.  Minghao had left him to drown alone, and the flowers bloomed more frequent, and he often found himself clutching the toilet at all hours throughout the day.

**_Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m throwing up flowers for you._ **

14 months. Mingyu had been throwing up flowers for 426 days. And over the last three months, they had become worse. He had learned how to deal with the flowers that were forcing themselves from his stomach, but he couldn’t deal with the pain of the vines constructing his lungs. 

His friends began to notice, “Hyung, what’s going on with you? You’ve been really down lately.” Chan had asked him during a weekly dinner. Mingyu had been cautious about his friends finding out, he didn’t want the pity. So he kept himself far enough away that he would be safe but still close in hopes they wouldn’t notice. But of course, they did, and they questioned him every time they saw him.

Mingyu sighed, he had been asked the same questions for weeks. During every dinner, someone would ask him what was wrong or why he looked so pale. Mingyu would give him the same answer, “Just tired. Work has been a lot lately.”

It didn’t take long for someone to find out and of course, it had to be Wonwoo. Wonwoo had found out by pure accident. If Mingyu had his way, he would’ve hidden it until the end. 

He had just got done throwing up a full flower, and he was not attempting to clean the blood that had splattered onto the floor when Wonwoo walked into the bathroom. 

Damn, he had forgotten to lock the door. 

They made their way out of the bathroom before Wonwoo finally said something.

“How many flowers are you up to now?” Mingyu didn’t look at him, he didn’t need to. “Enough to make a bouquet.”

Wonwoo would stay and help him clean up after each dreadful bathroom trip. And Mingyu would thank him and spend the rest of evening locked in his room. The vines had woven themselves inside his left lung by now, making each breath of air painful. He checked the calendar, 2 weeks. He had two more weeks, and the suffering would be over. 

Up until that point, Minghao had ignored him like the plague. No contact had been made since he walked out that night when Mingyu had mistakenly confessed as Minghao was fucking him into the mattress. 

***

“Oh my god Minghao. Oh, god right there.” _Moan._ “Oh god, I love you.”

Mingyu hadn’t realized what he said as his orgasm lit his body on fire. But Minghao did, he heard him loud and clear. The fear was evident on his face. 

When Mingyu came down from his high, Minghao had already pulled out and was getting dressed. “Did you finish?”

“No. But I gotta go.” Minghao wouldn’t look at him, and then it hit Mingyu. The weight of what he said punched him in the face.

“Oh god, Hao. I didn’t mean it. It’s not like that.” Mingyu stood to stop him, but it was too late. It was all too late. 

“I told you to stop when feelings happened. Damnit Gyu. You can’t. You can’t love me. We can’t do this anymore.”

***

He had not seen Minghao since that night or even heard from him. The only reason he knew he was even still alive was because Wonwoo would keep him updated if he asked. A knock on the door forced Mingyu up from his couch. As he was expecting Wonwoo, seeing Minghao standing outside of his apartment took him by surprise. An even bigger surprise was to see Minghao was drunk, he didn’t drink often, Mingyu remembered. He stepped aside, allowing Minghao to enter his apartment. As he shut the door behind him, he spoke. “What do you want?”

“I’m drunk.” If Minghao’s off-balance gait didn’t tell Mingyu that indeed the other was drunk, then his slurred speech sealed the deal.

“Yeah, I can tell. Have a seat, and I’ll get you some water.”

“What’s it like Gyu?”

As Mingyu handed him a fresh glass of water, he finally looked at him again. “What is what like?”

“Loving me.” Mingyu did not expect that question, he was hoping his face didn’t show the nerves that were brewing under his skin.

“It’s suffocating.” Well, that wasn’t a lie, because he was suffocating. He was literally suffocating because of the love he had for a man who would never love him back. 

“I’m sorry Gyu.”

“Yeah me too.” He handed a blanket to the other man, “sleep on the couch. You’re too drunk to walk home. But be gone when I wake up.”

“I wish I could—I mean I want to feel it back.”

With no further words, Mingyu walked into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. 

Mingyu couldn’t sleep, he had been trying for the last few hours. His chest felt tight, his disease yearning for the soulmate sleeping a few feet away.

As he ripped the blankets off of him, trying to rid himself of the heat that was building up in his body, he sat on the edge of his bed, clenching his chest, preparing himself for what was coming, “You stupid son of a bitch. You ruined my life. You’re killing me. You are literally killing me. You just had to come by and screw up everything? Why’d you have to be my soulmate? Out of everyone in the world, it’s you.” Mingyu was crying, he couldn’t stop sobbing as he clutched his chest. Before he could react, flowers were spilling themselves onto his bedroom floor.

As he fell to his feet, he continued to throw up. He couldn’t stop. _I still have two weeks_ he thought to himself. _I’m not ready yet, please._ His disease was crying out, extending its vines, searching for its partner.

Before everything went black, he heard a faint voice screaming “Mingyu, please I’m here. Just hold on. Oh, god, please don’t.” And then the blackness surrounded him.


	2. Save You

Wonwoo had studied everything he could about Hanahaki Disease after he discovered Mingyu’s secrete, in hopes of finding a cure. But the only cure was for love to be returned. Or surgery but Wonwoo knew Mingyu was passed that stage. When Minghao called him and told him Mingyu was in the hospital, Wonwoo fully expected him to be gone when he arrived. But as Wonwoo ran into the hospital, he saw Minghao standing outside of Mingyu's room. “You piece of shit, get out of here. Leave him be. The least you could do is let him die in peace.” Minghao turned to face Wonwoo, and the latter was surprised to see him crying, “I’m sorry, Wonwoo. I'm so sorry. I didn't know he had it, I didn't know it was _this_." His apology only angered Wonwoo more, and before he could rationalize his actions, his fist came in contact with Minghao’s face. 

“I deserved that.” Minghao said as he rubbed his aching jaw, “But Wonwoo, please, you must understand. I can’t love him. It’s not really a choice of mine.”  
“You have the choice to leave him alone and never talk to him again; you owe him that much. Every time you come around, he gets worse. He is dying Minghao, he is fucking dying, and you don’t get to say goodbye.”

Minghao walked out of the hospital, tears streaming down his face. Something he hadn’t done for years. 

Two weeks later and Mingyu was finally waking up to brightness, sterile white walls and aches in limbs. He slowly opened his eyes, trying to adjust to his surroundings. He couldn’t make out the room he was in. The last thing he remembered was throwing up and Minghao screaming at him. “Oh god, I’m dead. This is it. I have actually died.” He spoke out loud, but he didn’t recognize his voice. It was too coarse, too distant. 

“You’re not dead you idiot; you’re in the hospital.” That voice he recognized oh so well. “Wonwoo, how long have I been here?”  
“2 Weeks.”  
“I’ve been out for two weeks, oh my god. No, I’m supposed to be dead now.”  
“Well, you’re not. They got it Gyu; they stopped the spread.”  
“That’s not possible. How could they do that?”  
“I don’t know, but they said it has stopped growing for now.”

Mingyu stilled himself, waiting for the ache in his chest to start, but it did not. “That’s the suppressants they said it’s not gone, just halted in a way.”

“Hao -- wait, where’s Minghao, he was at my house. He saw me.” His eyes widened in realization, “Oh no, he saw the flowers, didn’t he?” Wonwoo nodded as he sat down the book he was reading, “He brought you here and stayed for a few days. When they explained to him what you had, he left, and no one has heard from him since.” They sat in silence, Mingyu trying to piece together what had occurred over the last weeks, months. 

The next day, Mingyu was discharged home. When he walked inside his apartment, he was met with his group of friends crowded in his living room. “Tell us what’s happening, please,” Soonyoung said as he sat next to Jihoon, concern frozen on his face. In fact, the entire atmosphere of the room was terrifying, none of his friends spoke but instead looked at Mingyu for answers. But Mingyu looked at Wonwoo for answers but was only met with elder silently crying. Mingyu turned to face his friends again and simply stated, “I’m dying.”

Twenty minutes and lots of tears later, Mingyu found himself sitting on the couch surrounded by his friends, Soonyoung on his left, Jihoon on his right. Jun lay at his feet, and Wonwoo was behind him, rubbing small circles in the middle of his back. Mingyu had explained to everyone what had been going and what the disease truly meant. “Does Minghao know?” Jun looked at him, questioning. This was hard for him. While he was good friends with Mingyu, Minghao was his best friend. He had only become friends with the rest of the group because he was dating Wonwoo.

“The doctors told him. I don’t know if he understands that it’s him though.” Wonwoo spoke from the kitchen as he was retrieving a glass of water.

“I tried calling him; he won’t answer his phone.” Jun’s eyes were apologetic as he looked up at Mingyu.  
“Fuck him.”  
“Won, please don’t,” Mingyu begged his best friend.  
“No Gyu.” He paused to look at his boyfriend, “I’m sorry Jun, I know Hao is your best friend, but he is killing mine.”  
“He can’t control who he loves Wonwoo,” Jun said defensively.  
“He could at least fucking try. He ran away, again, like a damn coward.”  
Jun stood then, “You don’t even know what you’re talking about Wonwoo. He cannot love Mingyu; he can’t control it.” He turned to look at Mingyu, “Gyu, I am so sorry. So truly sorry. I’ll try and talk with him okay.”

Mingyu was tired. Tired of them arguing because of him and tired of hating someone, that alone was exhausting. “Can you all please leave, I need sleep.” Before anyone could stop him, Mingyu had stood and walked silently to his room; his shoulders slumped, defeated. It was only when his bedroom door shut that someone spoke again.

“Have you not heard from him?” Jihoon asked Jun, who was now grabbing his things to leave.  
“I’ve tried to contact him. I even asked his mom; no one has heard from him since he dropped Gyu off at the hospital.” Jun looked at his boyfriend, “I’ve tried Wonwoo, I promise I have tried.” And with that, he left, and Wonwoo cried even harder. 

You see, the thing about accepting the reality of losing your best friend means, you probably take it out on everyone else, and that is what Wonwoo had been doing to Jun for months. Wonwoo hadn’t even been staying at their shared apartment, opting to crash on Soonyoung’s couch instead. Projecting is what Jihoon told him. He was projecting his grief onto the one person who could probably ease his pain the best, his own soulmate. Wonwoo and Junhui were the purest forms of soulmates. They were bound to one another for the rest of their lives, by fate and choice. They had never experienced the illness because they had found each other and never needed anyone else. There was a small part of Wonwoo that blamed Junhui. Sure, that was not fair and completely unwarranted, but he did. He did because Junhui was the only thing close to Minghao Wonwoo could blame. Minghao hadn’t spoken to Wonwoo since he stormed out of Mingyu’s place that night and Wonwoo, never put much effort in that friendship before anyway. 

It took a week for Mingyu's symptoms to return. A week after being released from the hospital, Mingyu woke up throwing up a few petals. “Why is it petals again?” Mingyu was confused as to why his illness seemed to regress to the first stage.“The doctor said it might do that because of the medication; it’s supposed to ease your pain until the –until the end I guess.”

Mingyu knew how hard this was for Wonwoo. He knew he had been selfish when he chose not to have the operation and he knew, there was a part of Wonwoo who resented him for that. Mingyu grabbed onto Wonwoo’s hand, holding it for comfort as the elder began to cry. “Please go home to Wonwoo. You two need to make up.”  
“I’m staying here with you.” Mingyu sighed and tightest his grip on Wonwoo's hand, “No, you are not. Go home to your boyfriend and makeup. Apologize, you stubborn ass.” He paused to look at Wonwoo, sternly, “Please do that for me.” He used the one thing he could to get Wonwoo to comply and it worked because a few hours later, Wonwoo was leaving for the first time in days. 

When Wonwoo returned home, he was surprised and angered to see Minghao sitting on their couch. “Oh my fucking god, I’m leaving again.” Jun stood to stop his boyfriend, “No Wonwoo, please, just sit down and hear him out.” But that only angered Wonwoo more because of course, Junhui was defending him, “Why should I?”

Minghao looked at Wonwoo and for the first time in months, Wonwoo actually looked back, “Because it matters, please just listen.”

Minghao explained to Wonwoo exactly why he couldn't love Mingyu and why he was slowly falling apart himself. After an hour into their conversation, Wonwoo finally understood, and that revelation should have made him content, but instead, he cried into the shirt of his boyfriend. “Fuck Hao, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Well, that’s not something you go around telling people.”  
“Did it hurt?”  
“The operation.” He shrugged, “I don’t feel much of anything. Or, I didn’t. Some feeling seemed to have resurfaced, which they told me could happen over time.”  
“Who was it?"

A look shared between the two Chinese boys gave Wonwoo his answer, “Oh. _Oh._ ”

Minghao cleared his throat after a beat of silence surrounded the men, “He had no idea until about two years after the surgery. He obviously hadn’t met his soulmate yet.”  
Wonwoo and Jun glanced each other before looking back towards the youngest of the three. “Minghao I read something about how sometimes, very rarely, it chooses the wrong person. It makes a mistake.”  
“It’s too late for me, I had the operation, and I’ll never have romantic feelings for anyone again. That’s why I never wanted to get involved with Mingyu. But well, he’s Mingyu, and I couldn’t say no. I know I fucked up, but even if nothing ever happened, if I am truly his soulmate, it was bound to happen eventually. It would’ve started blooming regardless.”

Wonwoo stood, frustration brewing over his tired limbs, “There has to be some way to save him.”

“I want to love him, I do. I want to try. I need time, a little bit more time and I think I can reverse it. When I ended up at his apartment, drunk, I drank because I was so angry at myself for not loving him.” Minghao sighed as his body slummed, defeated. “I just need a little bit more time.”

“Maybe you have it. The doctors figured out a way to halt the growth for a little bit. , try. Hao, you must save my best friend. Please.” Wonwoo was crying at this point, Minghao would soon join him.

The three men sat together for hours, trying to figure out a way to save Mingyu. Once a plan was made, Minghao decided to visit Mingyu and later that night, once Minghao was gone, Wonwoo and Jun made up, four times to be exact. And the next morning, Minghao found himself reluctantly knocking on Mingyu’s door. When Mingyu answer, Minghao felt sick. Mingyu looked nothing of himself, and Minghao knew he didn’t have much time left. Minghao knew he had to intervene soon or it’d be too late. Mingyu’s once golden skin had dulled to a much drearier shade, and his hair had less life in it than the last time he saw him. Before Minghao knew what was happening, Mingyu was whipping tears he wasn’t even aware he was crying. 

Minghao opened his mouth to speak, to say something to change the way it was but Mingyu cut him off before he got the opportunity, “You don’t have to apologize anymore. Come in and stay with me tonight, please.”

As they laid in Mingyu’s bed, Mingyu wrapped his arms around Minghao’s frame, allowing the other to press his back against his front. “Wonwoo told me. He told me you had the operation because of Junhui when you were 18. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was selfish.” Minghao turned to face Mingyu, “Let’s try this thing. I have to try to save you. I think I could love you and I am sorry it took me so long to come back.”

Mingyu stared at the other man, taking in the years of love he had given and the amount he had lost during that time. “Hao do you really want to love me?” Minghao nodded, tears falling from his eyes. “Why now? We've known each other for so long, we were _together_ for so long. What is different now?”

Minghao stared down at Mingyu, “I have wanted to love you all along Mingyu. I have wanted those feelings to return, and maybe, they did. Obviously not enough because you’re dying for me. But I’ve felt different since I left. I figured being an ass and making you hate me would undo the feelings, but I knew better. So, I left. I know what it’s like, I know what the pain is like, and I don’t want you to continue living like that. So please, let me help you and let me learn to love you.” Mingyu kissed Minghao and both spent the night crying tears of forgiveness and apologies. And when they fell asleep tangled together, Minghao thought everything would be okay. But the next morning he woke up and Mingyu was gasping for air, and on the way to the hospital, he covered the floor of Minghao’s car with white petals.

Wonwoo, Jun, Soonyoung, Jihoon had come to the hospital, and the doctor explained Mingyu’s illness progression. They had pumped Mingyu with more medication, and it was halting the petals from bursting. “It has gotten worse again, it seems when the source is around, the illness progresses. But I think we could try the surgery. It’s the very last chance we have at saving him.” He paused to look at Minghao, “But you know if it works, he will no longer love you.” Minghao nodded but cried harder, selfishly he needed Mingyu to love him. “But we have to wait until his vitals get better, he’s lost a lot of blood. We have to wait until he’s strong enough to go on with the surgery. Right now, he’s resting, but you all can see him until visiting hours are over.”

“Minghao, go on. You need to be the first person he sees when he wakes up.” Wonwoo placed his hand on Minghao’s shoulder. “Wonu are you sure? You’re his best friend.” Wonwoo nodded before whipping his face of tears, “You’re his soulmate. Go save him.”

Minghao made his way into Mingyu’s room, but upon first sight of the older, he let out a sob. Mingyu was hooked up to a ventilator, helping him breathe and a blood bag still sat feeding him new blood. He was paler than he should’ve been because of the blood loss and Minghao wanted nothing but to take his place. Minghao sat next to his bed as he took Mingyu’s hand in his. “Mingyu please, you have to be okay. I can’t lose you.” Minghao laid his head against Mingyu’s chest, “I love you Mingyu. I love you, and I can save you. But you have to wake up and let me. You just have to wake up, _please_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> My first post here & my first time writing any sort of "fantasy" work. Cross-posted on my Tumblr, universedxo.tumblr.com. This will be a chaptered story, I wont leave you hanging don't worry :)


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